In God We…Worry?


 By Katie Matthewsphoto

My husband has told me for years that I’m much too trusting of people, and he’s absolutely right.  What has bothered me more is my lack of trust in God.  Why is it I can easily trust someone whom I just met but have so much difficulty trusting my Heavenly Father Who not only knows me better than I know myself, but created me and wired me to be who and what I am?  This past year He took me on a journey to prove to me that He is worthy of my trust.

My oldest daughter Audrey had attended the same private Christian school since kindergarten.  One thing I didn’t like about the school was the two-to-four hours of homework she had every night starting in first grade.  It was so significant that she had no time for extra-curricular activities.  She complained about it over the years, and I felt her pain.  I hated that she seemed to have no life outside of school.  I hated that breaks weren’t really breaks, but rather no class time with assignments due upon return.  I hated that she couldn’t just rest and recover when she was out sick but had to keep up with her assignments.  Once she entered junior high the complaints escalated to the point where I gave her two options:  go to another school or stay where you are while accepting the good and bad, and PLEASE stop complaining.  She chose to stay for two more years.  After Christmas in her ninth grade year she chose to be done where she was and wanted to try something new.  I said okay.

Then I hit my knees and prayed.

I knew He would put her somewhere.  The next school year wouldn’t start without her having some place to go.  But I prayed.  During that time I had lunch with a friend whose children had previously attended Audrey’s school.  She told me about the schools they were currently attending, one that I thought it might be a good fit for Audrey and filed it away in the back of my mind.  A few months later I “randomly” met another mom while picking Audrey up from art class whose child was also attending that same school.  Given that it had shown up on my radar twice I knew I needed to look into it much deeper.  I visited the school, met the director, had Audrey “shadow” at the school for a couple of days, and I KNEW God wanted her there.

My husband was unconvinced.

He wanted me to keep looking.

So I did.  And I kept praying.

I had considered homeschooling but with Audrey being in high school, I didn’t really think I could teach her anything that would give her a high school diploma.  Then God reminded me that there are actual classes for homeschoolers.  I researched and found exactly that.  I attended two open houses and LOVED what I found. The only problem was that Audrey wanted to attend the other school…the one I KNEW God wanted her to attend.

What to do?

I prayed.  I compared.  Apples and oranges, because these two schools are very different.  The first school offered Audrey what she wanted.  The second one offered a much lower price, which is what my husband wanted.

I wanted both.

So I prayed.

School #2 was going to win.  Audrey was not going to be happy.

And again I prayed.

And the Lord gently reminded me that I could have both.  School #1 has a part-time option that is less expensive than the full-time option.  Whatever classes Audrey didn’t get on her two class days at School #1 could be taken at School #2 with just one class day and the remainder of the week to get her homework done.

I kept praying, and presented the idea to my husband.

He liked it!  WIN.

I presented the idea to Audrey…not a huge fan at first, but she is loving it now.  WIN.  God provided an amazing solution!

So what about my other daughter Sarah?  Sarah is my very precocious and very chatty kindergartener that also needed a school to attend.  This should be easy…after all, God is faithful, He’s provided for Audrey and will surely provide direction on where Sarah was to go.

And again I prayed and waited for Him to repeat scenario #1.

I researched, asked questions, looked at everything private, Montessori, alternative, homeschooling.

I got silence.

So I kept asking, researching, and praying.

Again…silence.  No direction.  No happenstance meetings.  No light bulb moments.

The only thing that kept coming up was public schools.  Husband wanted me to look into them.  Friends told me God had led them to the public school system.  I confess to being a private school snob.  Public school was fine for others but was not even remotely in my plan for my girls.  God, however, was telling me with His silence to let go of my plan and trust His.

Oh my, that was scary.

I visited with principals of three different neighborhood public schools.  Not one gave me the peace I expected (Philippians 4:6-7).  August had already arrived…school would start soon, and Sarah had no school to attend.  So I stepped out in faith and registered her in our neighborhood school, 1) so she would have someplace to go on the first day of school; and 2) maybe that would give me some peace about her school situation.

Wrong.  Still no peace.  I had taken a step in faith but knew this was not where Sarah was to go.  Why was God so silent?

I continued to pray, but I got a bit testy (translation:  angry) with God.  I demanded to know where He was, what He was doing, why He had yet to answer or direct me.   As if I had a right to that information (Job 38:1-2).

As children we often have to trust that our parents are doing what is best for us, even when it hurts or we don’t understand.  Our relationship with God our Heavenly Father is no different (Matthew 6:26-27).

We had been talking about moving for some time, and while we knew we wanted to stay south we just couldn’t settle on what neighborhood.  Then God showed us a wonderful house that would fit our family perfectly.  So we moved.  And that move zoned us for a different elementary school.  One where many believing friends had sent their children and been very happy doing so.  I took Sarah with me to meet and interview the principal and completed enrollment paperwork.

I felt a little peace.

But I didn’t get the full-on “peace that passes understanding” until after school started.  God gave me little confirmations that we were in the right place bit by bit.  And with each confirmation He gave me more peace.  Confirmations like Sarah having a favorite Sunday School friend in her class; a long-time friend’s son sitting right next to Sarah; a trusted believing friend letting me know what a fabulous teacher we have.  And the best one of all was Sarah’s teacher confirming that this is one of the sweetest groups of kids she’s ever taught.  Even now I am overwhelmed to tears at God’s goodness in putting Sarah where He knew she needed to be.

In my experience God had never worked the same way twice.  But I can always trust that He will continue working in my life till He has completed His work in me (Philippians 1:6).